When we were kids, we were told that prayer is just simply talking to God. Many were taught to talk to God like they were talking to a friend. And of course, this isn’t all bad. But this understanding has harmed prayer practices and kept people from accessing meaningful connection with themselves and with others.
When we say that prayer is just talking to God, we are doing harm to faith by limiting it. We are doing harm to those who don’t claim that particular brand of Christianity by saying that what they do and experience is invalid. And we are doing harm to God by limiting God’s work in our world to our often self-centered requests. On a particular level, this view of prayer does the following:
It domesticates God.
By this we mean that it makes us responsible for God’s actions. The message is perpetuated in our world that if something is wrong or if you want something, just ask God. There are some versions of Christianity that say that if you ask in faith, God has no choice but to grant your request. If we are responsible for God’s actions, God in many ways is not God. If we are responsible for determining what God does and doesn’t do, that makes us God. Also, to this point, that means that we will have to account for our fickle and selfish requests (i.e. for our football team to win — cranes neck at Saints’ fans).
This view of prayer also makes it so that God is a magic genie granting our requests.
If God grants every request that we have — or even just our first 3 — God becomes a magic genie. We know for certain that God isn’t a magic genie since failing grades and math tests still exist. So many Christians see God as a magic genie where if they ask with the correct words and the right beliefs, God has no choice but to grant the request. To these people, we must ask what the nature of God is. If God exists, does God exist just to make us happy or is something greater going on?
If prayer is just talking to God, words become the center of our religious experience.
This may not sound problematic to begin with, but it can easily become problematic because we have a tendency to mistake our words for God and our religious experiences for the actual experiences themselves. The threat is idolatry and a loss of mystery. If our religious experience can be fully captured in words, we are missing out on so much. What so many people have experienced (many of whom are out of the church now because their experience was denied) is that many times our religious experience is too great for words. God cannot be contained with words. If that is so, why do we think that our experiences with God should be fully reliant on them too?
Richard Rohr says prayer is “any interior journey or practice that allows you to experience faith, hope, and love within yourself.” (The Naked Now)
Whatever prayer is to you, it should take you on a journey into your self. Prayer can be a deeply meaningful journey of discovery. It can help you uncover your truest self. It can facilitate a depth of relationship with others that is inexpressible with words.
Prayer shouldn’t make you feel like you have to have a list of requests that you present to God and hope God does something about. Prayer can be a lot of different things. Prayer must be as diverse as we all are.
Prayer is silence.
As we said above. Sometimes words fail. In our world that is so full of noise, prayer can simply be silence. When is the last time you experienced true silence?
Prayer is reflection.
Prayer can be reflecting on our past. If we don’t learn from our past, resolve our hurts, and forgive ourselves and others, we will move on through life perpetuating those hurts. Prayer can be as simple as recalling formative events from our past to sort through them. How did they shape you? How did they limit you? How did the patterns established through particular events repeat themselves at other times in your life?
Prayer is walking
Prayer can be movement. For centuries people have been using walking as a way to connect with themselves and with the Divine. The ancient practice of walking a labyrinth has been used to reflect on the inward and outward journey. Sometimes physical movement, if we are able, is the best way to connect to ourselves because we are able to feel our parts working as a whole.
Ultimately, prayer is anything. As we craft our faith, prayer does not have to be just talking to God. Prayer can be anything that you want it to be. What is most necessary is whether it is helping you embrace yourself and others.
While I agree with the overall sentiment expressed here, And while centering prayer and spending time in nature are my primary forms of prayer, along with playing my trumpet, I believe it may be overstated. Not all talking to God prayer necessarily implies intercessory prayer. I can’t be simply saying thank you. And by God that’s a worthy thing to say out loud.
Roger Wolsey, author, “Kissing Fish: christianity for people who don’t like Christianity“
You raise great points, Roger. Thanks for your comment! There are certainly many words that need to be said to God. Thank you is a good one. As is “Why?” Thanks for the comment!